"The inner Beast changes character once it's caught & brought to quiet submission, where one comes to see that it is not a true monster afterall, but simply an undisciplined bully-SELF in need of good leadership".....Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht
First, we become knowledgeable about the presence of the beast & then begin to notice it. The actual noticing brings the beast out of hiding. From this position, without harsh judging, we begin the inner-education process.
I ask the Workshop group to bring their beasts to the morning session & then to describe them, as a form of introduction. This rather rediculous image breaks the ice while building rapport.
Pam opens the introductions, "My beast is on a leash so I can control her. She's not used to being with others, still wearing lots of shame & guilt. She's been in the dark for so long, I've put sunglasses on her. She actually came out quite easily, which surprised me. In the beginning she was full of rage, trying to frighten me, but now it seems that she has accepted that I'm in charge now. I'm the leader."
According to Jim, his beast isn't keen on being in the light & out of hiding. "He wants to retreat & has threatened me about what will happen IF we don't "both" leave this workshop. Here's what I hear in my head. I'll never be able to change at this stage of my life & even if I did, how would others relate to me? It would be like becoming a different person. Everyone would know that I have imperfections & so I'll be the loser."
BOUNDARY SETTING
Beasts need boundaries....
We are keenly aware of the need to set boundaries with others, but boundary setting begins with setting these for the inner bully-SELVES or beasts. Without doing that, it is next to impossible to set boundaries for others, especially without inner conflict. Remember, whenever there is conflict or stress, one looks to balance the uncomfortable feelings, either by going to addiction or negative behaviors.
How do we know what kind of boundaries to build & how do we go about doing this?
Taking ownership of the beast or self-esteem is KEY. When the beast runs the show, then the realSELF becomes a secondary character, just the opposite of the way it is supposed to be. Think about managing an out of control puppy or dog. If you have never watched Cesar Millan, The Dog Whisperer, do so. Here you will have the opportunity to see out of control dogs who run the lives of their owners or masters. This is a living metaphor for the owner or matureSELF & the beast. It's important to see/notice, who is in control of who. In Cesar's world, "who is the pack leader."
The workshop group brought their personal beasts to class. Some were on leashes. All were new to the training, some eager, but most not. After all, beasts have been running the show of their masters for decades. Why should they be happy about the turn of events?
We begin our work by taking back control. Just like with dogs, beasts can be very large & intimidating. It's important to remember WHO is the pack leader & who is a member of the pack. Obviously, you are the pack leader & the beast is simply a member who needs sound & direct leadership.
From this moment forward, beasts are not allowed to get away with anything negative or potentially harmful. EVERYTHING that falls into these categories gets corrected & the correction happens RIGHT IN THE MOMENT. No thoughts, no behaviors, no habit facets are left unchecked. Checking means that when some negative area is noticed, no matter how big or how small it is......it is corrected right then & there. With dogs, the disciplinarian yanks the leash or "interrupts" the behavior/habit with a meaningful touch with either the knee, foot or with leash communication. Same holds true for a beast who is out of control. Simply notice, yank firmly or interrup with a metaphorical knee or foot.
In my groups, the beast is seen as a child wearing teeshirts with the emotional name on the front. Emotions are separate from the master or self-disciplinarian. The HigherSELF performs the discipline in the moment. Just the presence of the HigherSELF brings respect. This part of the SELF works from the emotional state of quiet, centered assertiveness. The message is, "I'm in charge." I also like the suggestion from the HigherSELF to the childSELF or beast, " No discussion. I'm in charge."
Consistency is very important. Nothing must get past the disciplinarian SELF. If it does, the beast or childSELF wins the point. As we come to become clear about what we truly want to achieve, planning & executing discipline becomes easier.
In our next Workshop, we'll begin to define goals. This will help to set boundaries for emotions, habits & behaviors that are "beast-related."
The past issues of this blog can be found below. Other segments are stored in the following separate blog. For those of you who would like to practice Interactive Self-Hypnosis, there is always a complimentary mp3 sitting on my website. The program that is there presently is a full session called The Life University. This is part of a 2-CD/mp3 program for re-structuring goals & implementing them in all parts of life. I'm sure you will join others who have enjoyed working with this program. I'll be changing this in a few days, so you might want to take advantage of it while it is still posted. The next program will be on goal achievement.
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