Monday, July 30, 2007
Inside Secret Eating - Meeting & Rehabing the Disorder Core
"You & only you create the patterns that you want in your life. You are totally responsible for which patterns stay & which patterns go. This is about no one else.....but you. This is not the time to run & hide. Nothing positive is accomplished from that position.".....Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht
Each time I do a workshop or meet a new client in my office, I return to my writing with new fervor, for each individual brings a disorder that is new & different from all others. Each one is unique unto itself & as I keep myself attuned, the disorder core will open to me with it's own suggestions for rehabilitation.
DISENGAGING THE DISORDERLY CORE
The first & perhaps most important concept I have to impart, whether writing or speaking or recording, is for the individual to understand that he or she is separate from the disorder. When I first meet up with them, this is rarely understood. In fact, the disorder is usually firmly entwined around the individual, just like a clinging, out of control child that is busy manipulating to get his or her way. The connection is so strong that both, the individual & the disorderly child part, think that each one is the other. They are totally consumed, sharing emotions, thoughts & behaviors.
It's important for me to introduce this concept gently. I usually work with an image of the tightly wound child & utilize my words, either written or spoken, to slowly disengage the child. My work is to build rapport & understanding, the words actually doing the untwining. Usually they come straight from my gut feelings & over the years I've learned to trust them.
In the library of my mind I have a resource center that is filled with words & images for each part the work I set out to do. Often times, even I'm surprised about what comes out of my mouth or onto the paper or computer screen. I often think of my inner librarian, scanning the resources for what will work best. Working with the spokenWord is not all that different from the written word. One only has limited time or space to sell the idea. Since I'm actually working with two separate parts, the individual & the disorderly core, I must decide how to frame the pitch, as well as where to throw it.
I usually prefer to pitch to the individual, of course realizing that most likely, are not in their mature-Self, especially in their relationship with their disorderly core, because if they were, they wouldn't be purchasing my books or CD's, or working with me directly.
If you've been following my blog, you already know Aida & some of the behaviors of her disorderly core. You may remember that her core was formed very early in childhood by her very emotionally intense family. To me, Aida's core reminds me of a bulldog, a noble & kind breed, but if not disciplined, capable of intense strength & rage at the slightest provocation. One can't help but to notice how Aida respectsher disorder, even to the point of being it's humble servant.
Remember how she fixed the tray by the side of her bed & how beautifully she kept the food available for walk-by snacking? Now, how do you think her disorder would react IF she didn't do these things?
Aida chose to image her disorder as a very spoiled child, who expects everything to be done to her highest expectations. She was greatly concerned about what was going to happen when she decided that she's had enough of this nonsense. Part of her fear is her familiarity with intense emotion & rage & it's easy to understand why Aida has agreed to stay at this "servant level" for so long, despite knowing consciously that she is participating in dangerous patterns.
Aida's disorderly core archtype is not uncommon. In fact, this type of core lives inside many other's who harbor addictions. Judy, another woman in my workshop has similar issues with a disorderly alcohol core. Just thinking about "taking on" her core drained color from her face. I wish I could have read her mind, but everything about her shouted that she was absolutely terrified of that part of her very own Self. If you are new to this way of thinking, it might help to think about out of real living out control children who remain undisciplined because their parents are afraid to apply it.
And so, for Aida & Judith, until the healthy displine plan is designed & integrated, their disorderly cores will stay twisted around them, even cutting off their circulation. It's important to know that some cores are so toxic, that they are life-threatening. Andy, who is bulimic, is one of those with a super-toxic core. Her core actually demands that she vomit in a "three times per day" ritual.
Those with disorderly eating need specific tools, as well as support to be able to step up & to discipline this part of themSelves. This is why it is so important for written or spoken words to address the underlying issues, providing images that bring inner organization & power to the matureSelf.
POWER WORDS & IMAGES
The subconscious mind works backwards & this is of great benefit to the strengthening of the matureSelf. What it sees & senses, it believes as true. A powerful image & affirmation that I like is, "Whatever it takes, this is what I'm going to accomplish & I remain consistent with these new patterns of life that I have chosen."
Think about Aida relaxing deeply, tilting her gently closed eyes up to view her inner movie screen. Remembering the words, she formulates the image of what she wants to accomplish AS IF it were already completed. Her coreSelf is happy, healthy & balanced. Aida appreciates that the core is a child & may forget the images, but all she has to do is to notice that forgetting, relax into the moment & to bring forth the images again..... perhaps holding her child gently & lovingly.
The core responds to this love & respect for itSelf & wants to please. Aida is now in charge of designing & implementing her new personal myth or pattern. This is not a family or social myth, but her own myth, designed to bring her to a higher level of health & performance.