Sunday, August 12, 2007

Inside Secret Eating - Cleaning & Clearing

"Knowing what things to do, as well as what things not to do is KEY to success. No one will argue that life becomes much easier when we are clear & focused & preferably on automatic pilot. Ritual-building is one way to get there.".....Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht


It takes lot's of energy to pay attention to all of the details of everything we must do, or find ourselves doing in the span of a day. In fact, it's impossible! Just trying is a sure way to drive up stress chemical production. I remember all the years when I was trying to figure out how to lose weight. I think I purchased every book, every magazine & joined every organization that promised success.

It was a dizzifying experience, as I clipped & classified all sorts of articles in multiple binders. I remember clipping how to do this, that & the other, as well as pictures that defined how I wanted to look, how I should dress, how I should cut my hair & manicure my nails. A complete make-over from head to toe & THEN I would be happy, fulfilled & even prosperous. Hundreds of fantasy binders....but, yet I remained a window shopper of the world....always looking, but never fully achieving & no wonder.

Besides being overwhelmed, I had completely lost focus of who I was, thinking that I needed to start over at the very beginning. How I cheated myself by not self-honoring, not acknowledging my unique individuality & not looking to my own strengths & even my weaknesses to take me further towards a higher level of health. Yes, I threw away the baby with the bathwater!

I see this tendency in my patients & readers. These are matters of low self-image & self-esteem.....self-devaluing to the point of not even acknowledging one's own powerful existence. And while there are oodles of metaphors for this state of mind, just awareness is not going to cut it. There is the almighty step beyond the waking up that everyone must take in order to change. If not, one stays in the darkness, just wanting & clipping.

I remember throwing out all of my binders, feeling tinges of shame & guilt. "Who did I think that I was anyway....I could never achieve these things", sang the voice in my head. My reply was surprisingly empowering & even startled me. "Oh shut up. I've had enough of you & your criticism. I know what to do."


I've lived long enough to know that if I listen to my body, it will guide me towards health. My body & my mind had been telling me for quite a long time that I was eating poorly & not practicing healthy lifestyle behaviors. I didn't need any article to spell that out. The truth was that I needed to change & to stop allowing excuses. While those may sound like simple words, one thing I'ved learned over the years is that most things are quite "simple." We human beings make things complicated.

I needed to "shut up." I needed to be still & to listen carefully to what I was being told by my own inner resources. I had to stop making noise & hiding. I had to stop all of my "busy-busy" going nowhere behaviors. So, I stopped buying magazines & books. My apologies to my author friends. I disallowed all of it. My inner child screamed & yelled & threatened me with the most horrible stories, including the big "D", but somehow I didn't budge. Once I made my stand, I realized I wasn't alone. The higher part of me, my mature mentor part, could now be heard. The directions were coming in loud & clear.

Direction # 1 - Everything must be cleaned & cleared.

Oh my....what do you mean by "everything". I was answered with "silence." Not the spoken word silence, but true stillness, reminding me of something my mother would do whenever I asked her a question that I already knew the answer to. That profound silence.

I went to the kitchen & opened a cupboard, perhaps truly seeing it for the first time. What a mess.... I especially remember the towers of old margarine containers that I saved for leftovers, some of them bent in queer shapes from their dishwasher experiences. Hell, I don't even like leftovers. Why do I have so many of these?

As I walked around my home, opening & seeing, I then understood why I hadn't heard my body, nor my mind calling to me. I was truly overwhelmed with my level of being out of touch. "This is too much." Yes, everything was too much. I simply can't clear all of this. I'm attached to this & yes, this is me.

Direction # 2 - Everything must be cleaned & cleared.

Oh, I heard this before. It was quite obvious that I wasn't going to get away with my ranting & victim-state positioning. I remember sitting very still for about an hour while parts of me continued to scream & yell inner obscenities, bringing me to a new awareness that I have some very vile emotions inside of me. No wonder I've not accomplished things that I wanted for myself & my health. I was now meeting my self-blockers, the bullies of my existence. Well, I've met bullies before & as I sat remembering some of them, I was reminded of this little boy who wouldn't let me take my dollie stroller down the steps. I was three years old & he was six. I punched him in the nose & was intrigued with the blood that I caused to flow out. Yes, I know what to do with bullies.

It took me three months to clean & clear. Obviously I had no time for clipping any magazine article or for that matter reading anything at all, although all my clipping experience helped me design an excellent plan for working through my home. I remember asking, "What does this have to do with becoming healthier & changing my lifestyle behavior patterns?" Would I get an answer OR just be greeted with a silence-space?


Oh...........yes, I now understand.

The past issues of this blog can be found below. Other segments are stored in the following separate blog. For those of you who would like to practice Interactive Self-Hypnosis, there is always a complimentary mp3 sitting on my website.