Inside Secret Eating - Lessons from the Closet

"All of the lessons we need are available all of the time, but often we have to wear our creative hat to access them."....Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht

DIRECTION: EVERYTHING MUST BE CLEANED & CLEARED

For awhile I thought this was a sinister mindgame of my manipulating Self, finding a way to get me to get rid of clutter & so my attitude reflected that, as I approached the tasks with my deepest nasty Self in tow. My body presented a series of ongoing complaints ranging from headaches to a badly aching back, but what was worse was my mind activity, including an excruciating case of procrastination. Pushing myself day after day became an ongoing battle of wits. I mentioned in my last blog that it took three months to complete the task that was delivered by my Higher or Mentor Self. Of course, time is relative & in this case, it was a very long & painful time in my life, but not just for the reasons mentioned above.

Entertaining my nasty-self day after day became tiresome. However, this part wasn't a stranger to me & I grew aware that it was a familiar visitor in my dealings with my eating issues. I was tired of many things that had to do with food. Yes, I was sick & tired of daily meal planning & cooking & everything that went along with it. My Self snarled, "Why shouldn't I be tired. It's been decades & decades & it's not going to end. So take that & stuff it. And now you want to talk about dieting & cooking special things for YOU? Give me a break! And now you have me clearing out the house. What a servant you are!"

Oh.....big Self-Block.

The bathroom closet was not kind to me. I was forced to admit my poor organization skills & wastefulness once again. There were bottles upon bottles of shampoo, conditioner & all sorts of creams that promised a better this, that & the other, obviously none of them successful. As the garbage bag filled up, I started counting the money I was throwing away. Guilty & shameful Self yelling at me; truly kicking me right in the gut. Ouch...

The giver of Directions stepped in & asked the kicker to step back. This was a learning experience & while I was meant to "wake-up", I was not to be attacked, either physically or emotionally. I could almost see my little child-Self wiping her eyes, promising to learn the lessons & stay awake.

DIRECTION - FORGIVE YOURSELF FOR ANYTHING & EVERYTHING

I started to feel better that day. Yes, I could face the music, but I didn't have to go down on my knees. No wonder it had been so difficult to look at all of my mistakes in judgment & lack of attention to what I was doing. I was terrified of the guilt & shame, feeling that I always had to pretend that I was "good & worthy" & the secret was that "I was not." Oh..... But, I heard the voice tell me that I was a good human being that had just made some mistakes. Yes, I could learn these lessons & get over these things. Of course, I would have to maked some changes & so that now became part of the directions.

DIRECTION - CHANGE IS GROWTH, SO CHOOSE TO CHANGE

All of the closets had suggestions for me. I learned how easy it was to organize the bathroom & if I just kept an eye on it, I could decide when we needed something replaced. My shopping list had a special column for the bathroom closet & nothing was purchased unless it was formally listed. I rather liked that.....formally listed made it special to the child part of me. It sounded like something important to do.

My clothes closet had plenty of suggestions about when to purchase things & when enough was enough. Oh..... big lesson here & this one would carry over to the kitchen as well. I was both amazed & disheartened that I owned clothes that I didn't even like. Now who would do something like that.....especially a grown-up? I was directed to remove the things I didn't like, but to saved enough clothes to last me until it was a formal shopping excursion. There's that formal word again; Once again the child liking the idea of going on a special excursion. As a hypnotherapist I came to understand that these were great "containments" that would help me to be in control & of course, everytime I was in control, that would carry over to other parts of my life.

A great surprise greeted me in my "special closet." Here is where I kept ALL of my hobbies & goodness, there were so many. I was directed to take all of them out & line them up in the middle of the room. I was called to explain when I would be completing these half-started or not-started-at all hobbies & also to evaluate how much money was sitting in the middle of the room. The bullie stepped forward, but was immediately blocked by the "giver of directions." I had to honestly confess that I didn't know if I would ever have time to do these things. As for the amount of money, well point well taken. Lesson accepted.

DIRECTION - CLEAN & CLEAR. You may have one indoor hobby & one outdoor hobby. It's time to simplify life & open the door to change. Everything else goes to someone else, so they will finish these up for you & of course, they will then belong to them.

FORGIVE YOURSELF FOR EVERYTHING & TAKE YOUR LESSON AS YOUR GIFT. Now bring all of your lessons & gifts to the KITCHEN, for it is time to apply these to taking care of yourself in new ways....

Inside Secret Eating - Cleaning & Clearing

"Knowing what things to do, as well as what things not to do is KEY to success. No one will argue that life becomes much easier when we are clear & focused & preferably on automatic pilot. Ritual-building is one way to get there.".....Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht

SORTING OUT & GETTING CLEAR

It takes lot's of energy to pay attention to all of the details of everything we must do, or find ourselves doing in the span of a day. In fact, it's impossible! Just trying is a sure way to drive up stress chemical production. I remember all the years when I was trying to figure out how to lose weight. I think I purchased every book, every magazine & joined every organization that promised success.

It was a dizzifying experience, as I clipped & classified all sorts of articles in multiple binders. I remember clipping how to do this, that & the other, as well as pictures that defined how I wanted to look, how I should dress, how I should cut my hair & manicure my nails. A complete make-over from head to toe & THEN I would be happy, fulfilled & even prosperous. Hundreds of fantasy binders....but, yet I remained a window shopper of the world....always looking, but never fully achieving & no wonder.

Besides being overwhelmed, I had completely lost focus of who I was, thinking that I needed to start over at the very beginning. How I cheated myself by not self-honoring, not acknowledging my unique individuality & not looking to my own strengths & even my weaknesses to take me further towards a higher level of health. Yes, I threw away the baby with the bathwater!

I see this tendency in my patients & readers. These are matters of low self-image & self-esteem.....self-devaluing to the point of not even acknowledging one's own powerful existence. And while there are oodles of metaphors for this state of mind, just awareness is not going to cut it. There is the almighty step beyond the waking up that everyone must take in order to change. If not, one stays in the darkness, just wanting & clipping.

I remember throwing out all of my binders, feeling tinges of shame & guilt. "Who did I think that I was anyway....I could never achieve these things", sang the voice in my head. My reply was surprisingly empowering & even startled me. "Oh shut up. I've had enough of you & your criticism. I know what to do."

THE ANSWERS LOCATED

I've lived long enough to know that if I listen to my body, it will guide me towards health. My body & my mind had been telling me for quite a long time that I was eating poorly & not practicing healthy lifestyle behaviors. I didn't need any article to spell that out. The truth was that I needed to change & to stop allowing excuses. While those may sound like simple words, one thing I'ved learned over the years is that most things are quite "simple." We human beings make things complicated.

I needed to "shut up." I needed to be still & to listen carefully to what I was being told by my own inner resources. I had to stop making noise & hiding. I had to stop all of my "busy-busy" going nowhere behaviors. So, I stopped buying magazines & books. My apologies to my author friends. I disallowed all of it. My inner child screamed & yelled & threatened me with the most horrible stories, including the big "D", but somehow I didn't budge. Once I made my stand, I realized I wasn't alone. The higher part of me, my mature mentor part, could now be heard. The directions were coming in loud & clear.

Direction # 1 - Everything must be cleaned & cleared.

Oh my....what do you mean by "everything". I was answered with "silence." Not the spoken word silence, but true stillness, reminding me of something my mother would do whenever I asked her a question that I already knew the answer to. That profound silence.

I went to the kitchen & opened a cupboard, perhaps truly seeing it for the first time. What a mess.... I especially remember the towers of old margarine containers that I saved for leftovers, some of them bent in queer shapes from their dishwasher experiences. Hell, I don't even like leftovers. Why do I have so many of these?

As I walked around my home, opening & seeing, I then understood why I hadn't heard my body, nor my mind calling to me. I was truly overwhelmed with my level of being out of touch. "This is too much." Yes, everything was too much. I simply can't clear all of this. I'm attached to this & yes, this is me.

Direction # 2 - Everything must be cleaned & cleared.

Oh, I heard this before. It was quite obvious that I wasn't going to get away with my ranting & victim-state positioning. I remember sitting very still for about an hour while parts of me continued to scream & yell inner obscenities, bringing me to a new awareness that I have some very vile emotions inside of me. No wonder I've not accomplished things that I wanted for myself & my health. I was now meeting my self-blockers, the bullies of my existence. Well, I've met bullies before & as I sat remembering some of them, I was reminded of this little boy who wouldn't let me take my dollie stroller down the steps. I was three years old & he was six. I punched him in the nose & was intrigued with the blood that I caused to flow out. Yes, I know what to do with bullies.

It took me three months to clean & clear. Obviously I had no time for clipping any magazine article or for that matter reading anything at all, although all my clipping experience helped me design an excellent plan for working through my home. I remember asking, "What does this have to do with becoming healthier & changing my lifestyle behavior patterns?" Would I get an answer OR just be greeted with a silence-space?

Direction # 3 - EVERYTHING MUST BE CLEANED & CLEARED.

Oh...........yes, I now understand.

The past issues of this blog can be found below. Other segments are stored in the following separate blog. For those of you who would like to practice Interactive Self-Hypnosis, there is always a complimentary mp3 sitting on my website.

INSIDE SECRET EATING - FULL BLOG

Inside Secret Eating - Developing the Therapeutic Self

"It's all about managing life & understanding that we are not alone. However, the responsibility still sits with our Unique Self. There is often a tendency to just sit around waiting for something to happen or for someone to carry the load & that simply isn't going to happen. The longer you sit, the longer you wait."...Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht

INNER SELF DEVELOPMENT

Earlier on I talked about the Therapeutic Inner Self & how important it is to the management of any & all self-development. People with secret or disorderly eating have many other issues, just like we all have & all of them are managed in the very same way. That is why Interactive Self-Hypnosis & Heightened Awareness are KEY tools. These tools are utilized ONLY by the Therapeutic Self & NOT by the child or emotional self. Think of it this way..... there is only one captain of the ship & in no way do you want the captain of your ship to be your emotional child.

In my work with secret & disorderly eating, I utilize my experience with my private patients/clients, as well as from my own life experiences. I'm very much in favor of being completely opened with those I come in contact with & that includes everyone who works with me privately, as well as through my writing & recording. This is a huge rapport builder & quite honestly, it's good to know that the developmental horrors of my own life can be put to some good use.

I first learned the term Therapeutic Self when I was studying psychiatric nursing. I fell in love with the idea that there was a part inside of each of us that could/would help & best of all, would always be there, no matter how difficult life became. My creative Self figured out that if there was a Therapeutic Self, then it stood to reason that there was another part of the Self that wasn't therapeutic & that was the part that would need the part of the Therapeutic or Leader Self; the captain of the ship.

One of the most difficult challenges I've found for myself over the years & the same runs true for patients, is staying motivated & out of trouble with the old secrets & facets of the disorders. Some of these, in my case, still have to do with my secret eating that began very early in my life. Often people are discouraged when I'm honest about the resurgence of those very old habits & behaviors. Obviously, those of us who have these issues, would like to believe that they can be gone once & for all, but unfortunately that is rarely the case. But, on the bright side, once you have a terrific Therapeutic Self, there isn't much to be concerned about. After all, one doesn't have to do this alone!

The majority of people with issues seem to wait for someone to motivate or push them to change. This is not the same as working with your Therapeutic or Inner Self. Just from the title we know that one is inside of us & the others are outside. Others cannot make us change & even if they push hard enough, the resistance will build & sooner or later one goes back to the old patterns. In this instance, the patterns are usually more heavily engrained into the subconcious mind.

In the case of the Therapeutic Self, when old patterns surface, the inner power source is there to greet them with images that are designed to allow them to release & then to empower them onto the correction path. Each time a behavior, pattern or piece of a pattern comes forward, it already knows that it is going to receive "special treatment" from the part of the Self that is focused, non-judgmental & willing to teach & guide. Who wouldn't want this type of mentor or friend. The Therapeutic Self is like a very healthy, balanced parent, who knows you well & wants you to succeed.

We develop this mentoring Self in the practice of Self-Hypnosis. I suggest to my readers/listeners & patients, that they relax deeply & think of people who have the characteristics that they would like in this special part of themSelves. In fact, some of these individuals might be male & others female. They could be known personally to the individual or not. They could be real or fictional, living or dead. It truly doesn't matter.

Once the group is decided upon, then comes the integration. The individual is instructed to relax deeply & to make certain that they will not be disturbed for the time it takes to do this part of their inner development work. This is not the time to rush or play the game of "hurry up, I have so many things to do today."

Once relaxed, the eyes are gently closed & the mind screen is in place. A symbol of the Therapeutic Self is present & the group is ready for the integration. One by one, they enter the symbol until all are fully integrated. In the future, other aspects can be brought to the Therapeutic Self. Often, during our life experiences, we come upon people who we admire & when this happens, we can take those characteristics & make them our own, utilizing this simple, but profound imagery.

Once the Therapeutic Self is ready, then one spends time each day in it's presence, until it becomes an active part of the individual, having both form & voice.

Inside Secret Eating - Grieving the Loss

"All losses bring a period of mourning, but this time in one's life is not static. Looking closely, it's possible to observe the movement forward, rather like a gentle, flowing stream. If desired, it's possible to swim along with the flow & this particular journey mourning flow will bring great resilience or inner strength to the swimmer."....Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht

ANTICIPATORY MOURNING OR GRIEVING

When delivering or writing programs for individuals, it's important to remember that just the thought of living without someone or something can provoke great anxiety. It doesn't matter if the relationship or habit/behavior isn't good for that person. The level of grieving can be just as big, if not more than for a happy, healthy relationship, or habit/behavior. Much of this has to do with the individual's perceived self-image or level of self-esteem. If one has become accustomed to receiving or giving punishment to the Self, then there is a part of the Self that simply wants or needs the pain. Not to have it is interpreted as emptiness or deep sadness. Such was the case of Aida.

Aida came to the program with the idea of "just finding out what it was all about." Her history of failure over the years left her non-believing & non-trusting, but she could "forgive" herself for this, if she attended the program or read the book, etc. Then she was free to "sell herself the story" that this, that or the other just wouldn't work for her OR she had already tried this & so she knows that it doesn't or won't work. This is simply an inner battle or resistance to change & is there to protect the individual from the sadness that will come from the loss of the negative behaviors. This is a common, human & so it's important to understand & pre-empt this part of their behavioral patterns.

Aida was petrified of waking up. Obviously she knew that she was obese, but she would/could defend her patterns to her death. Imagining her life without them & their many facets simply left her in a state of high anxiety. She didn't want to think about or feel any part of the perceived loss & so she stayed in denial. "I'm simply not ready. Maybe when I can take a long vacation & dedicate some time to myself OR when my daughter goes off to college OR when I win the lottery & don't have to work for a living." Of course, the more she defends, the more rediculous the fantasies & because she is an intelligent woman, even she is surprised by the calibur of stories she can manufacture. However, it takes a bit of time before she is willing to let me know what she now knows about herself.

Sometimes when writing programs, we feel estranged from our reader or listener, but it's very important for those of us who work in this writing genre, to see or sense our audience right before us. Only then can we build the kind of rapport that we need to be able to help them. Keeping Aida's needs in mind, helps me to address issues for a general audience because I've witnessed enough of these trends in my private practice to know that the very same are harbored in a large percentage of those who will read or listen to my work.

Most of us have heard about the four stages of grieving & now I've added the fifth....anticipatory, which of course, comes first & may contain the other four stages as well. So, even though the loss hasn't occured as yet, the resistance to the perceived loss can be huge. The defense mechanism can include denial, isolation of the Self, anger, bargaining & then finally, acceptance.

My job is to move the reader/listener through all stages while in the anticipatory stage. Keep in mind that the individual will not realize that he/she is in a stage of grieving, nor rarely will they choose to admit that they are "defending." This would be perceived as "being weak" & that is the opposite of what they want. If you've ever met, which I'm sure you have, individuals in this position, you might agree that they are not the friendliest beings to be around.

So it's easy to understand why they can "isolate" so well. It's key not to back down or to back away when sensing their resistance, EVEN IF you don't know the individual because you are a writer. The truth is, that they want you to sense their resistance & to help them.......but not to fight with them because that is filled with "judgment" & that is exactly why their secrets & problems exist in the first place.

MIND EXERCISE

Find a time & place to allow for deep relaxation. All you need to do is to make the place & time ready & then to listen to the sound of my voice or to read the following & then go there by memory.

There is no reason to judge because there is nothing to judge. All that is important is what you do from this moment forward & what you are going to do is to awaken. There is nothing frightening about awakening for you do this every morning, only now you are going to awaken to things in your life & behaviors that you have adopted that aren't helpful. There is nothing you need to do but to simply awaken. Notice how easy it is for you to think in this way....

To awaken means to be aware & there is nothing frightening about being aware. You practice this thousands of times each day. Think for a moment about the things you were already aware of today.... perhaps this morning.....this afternoon....& in fact right now. What are you aware of right now?

Now I want you to relax deeply into the chair where you are reading or listening to this & to feel how good it feels to give yourself this special time.

In the past you awakened to many things & then let them go. Notice that you can see some examples of these over there. You are simply watching them & not participating in them because they already happened. If you like, you can watch them on the movie screen & even sit in the back row. These are things that you let go of in your past. Notice how many of them there are..... some small, others big, but all successfully let go.

And now you have new awakenings that show you additional things that need to be let go. These have to do with secrets that have formed around eating issues, as well as other eating issue behaviors or habits. Notice them over there & at the same time notice how these secrets, behaviors & habits keep you locked up in a small corral & how all parts of you are ready to be free... & the parts that you thought were anxious or frightened or grieving letting go are not that at all & are simply excited about experiencing health & wellness, for this is what this is about......nothing else. Now, who wouldn't choose to be healthier & to experience wellness? I'm sure you can agree that you would welcome health & wellness if it came knocking at your door..........& notice that it is knocking now & that you are answering the door & welcoming it in. Feel the joy as your welcomed visitors enter."

SYNOPSIS

The above short mind exercise walked the reader/listener through many reframes that allowed for letting go of fear & apprehension about entering change. Obviously, there are many reasons for being anxious & fearful....many having to do with self-image & self-esteem issues, but we can choose not to address them here & instead, to make the needed changes be about something that no one will argue about & that is completely unthreatening........health & wellness. In the future, I will be assisting the reader/listener in building their inner core image & esteem, but right now, I want her/him to move past the initial grieving into the action.

The next blog will be about the ongoing re-appearance of the grieving process & how the individual is already in position to take charge.

Inside Secret Eating - Ending the Secret

"You begin to build your inner beliefs, myths & patterns when you are a young child & these are continually edited by the inner mind, in order to keep you in balance & to help you make sense of your world. This doesn't mean that the myths or patterns are healthy, it just means that they are continually edited. The responsibility of your matureSelf is to make certain that all parts are working in your behalf & there may be times when certain myths or patterns must end."...Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht

Most of us have little idea as to how to address the core of our secrets. In fact, we tend to avoid them, or at the very least, may agree to address what is on the surface. In secret eating, as in most secret behaviors, surface work is not going to give a permanent solution to the issue. Taking secrets apart is extremely difficult, even when working with a very skilled psychotherapist, because so many facets live in the unconscious mind, tucked well away from consciousness. However, working with the subconscious mind can certainly bring about sufficient change. Perhaps most importantly, the individual who works with their subconscious mind can feel the benefit of being empowered & that in itself can bring forth powerful behavioral changes.

SPEAKING THROUGH IMAGES

Aida & the group each held a symbol of their secret eating on their lap. The first order of business was for them to notice what it wasn't. To be sure, it wasn't their entire Self & it wasn't very big. In fact, it was smaller than each had made it out to be & Aida mentioned that she felt like laughing as she studied it carefully.

As silly as this exercise may seem, it always proves to be a very important one. Putting a face or shape to a problem or issue, allows the owner to manage it in a totally different way. This concept also works well for pain management. When the individual is experiencing pain, it's important for them to change the representative image in size, color, consistency, etc. This personal involvement removes the individual from the dangerous position of helplessness & empowers them by giving them a level of control.

I ask the group to put the symbol of their secret eating aside & now I give them a picture of a large landscape that seems to go on forever. This image is symbolic of their "big picture" or "big story." The secret eating is their "small or limited story." It is here that Aida & the group get to choose what they truly want; to live in the rigid confines of the secret disorderly eating or to let it go.....actually to let it die......so that the "big picture" of unlimited living can be their model for life. Without making this decision, the limited symbol will continue to fight with the unlimited symbol for supremacy, each wanting to be in charge of the perspective lenses used to view the world.

This is more than letting go. It is actually inviting a death to a part of oneself that has most likely been around for a very long time. Yes, it will be uncomfortable, especially in the beginning, but it will also be uplifting at the very same time. The mind & body prefer to go towards positive experience & sensations & so they will help to bring the individual to a higher level of living. The experience of living an unlimited, creative life is huge. Anything & everything is seen or considered possible.

For someone who has been living a limited, tight existence, this drastic change carries it's own motivation. The crux is taking the step to bring forth the death of the limited life. Writing or delivering programs for the individual who is marking their life at this moment, is extremely fulfilling for the therapist.

It will be important for Aida to fully disassociate from her secret & to spend some time examining it, before allowing it to die, the reason being that there are nougats of knowledge or little jewels that she will want to integrate into her new, limitless life model. She may not see them clearly, but they will shine out to her & her intuition will guide her towards them. It isn't always necessary to see or know exactly.....the felt sense is the most important sense in these moments. As Aida was lead to the jewels, she carefully extracted them & delivered them to her "inner guide" who was assisting her in her life changing "move."

As she explained her experience to the group, "I feel at peace & I'm now ready to cut the cord. There is no fighting between the two. I know that the secret wants to leave. As strange as this may sound, I feel that it truly wants to die & to be in it's own peace. There is a part of me that will miss it, because I truly loved it in ways that perhaps only I can understand, but now it is time & everything feels very right with what is happening."

As Aida moved into her new life experience, she felt uplifted. It had been a very long time since she felt this much freedom & excitement about her life choices. Yes, there were going to be some uphill battles, but this was life afterall & battles were part of the experience. There would be times when she would wish that he old "friend" were still alive & waiting for her at the door in the evening, but that would never happen, because she knew that she had attended it's funeral & so in those moments of reflection, she knew to spend healthy, quiet time with herSelf & with her inner child, who indeed was the biggest mourner of all.

Inside Secret Eating - Inner Scripting

You become what you think about, all day long. In addition, your inner mind-chatter or thoughts keep you on your path & direct your outcomes. So....watch out for them!....Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht

Addictive secrets, including secret eating, is like an octopus, with only the head above the water. The real issues tend to stay hidden below the surface & some are so deep that even their owner isn't aware of them. Those harboring secrets often live in disbelief that they can be helped, despite wanting to be helped. If you have the opportunity to meet the secret's owner, you may here things like, "Well, I'll try." Pay attention, because it's not just the words, but the inflection & the body language. "Try" is a doorknob word. It's an escape word. It's just like the excuse word, "but." All of these words are connected to the expectation of failing & so it's important to let the reader or listener know what you now know. Those words need to be X'd out.....right on the tongue or airwaves. These are totally unacceptable.

We do not "try." We actually "do". And so, the affirmation or positive intention is about "doing." When Aida worked with her first set of images in the theater of the mind, she was not wishy-washy about what needed to be changed. She studied the situation in detail & then she changed what needed to be changed, including the emotions that were hanging around the scene. Then, she allowed the performance to continue & when she noticed other areas that would benefit from change, she went ahead & acted on her decisions. She was the writer, director & producer. She was not the issues that were playing out.

Aida has come to know that this is a personal affair. She is practicing self-responsibility & is paraticipating in seleting realigning & updating myths or old patterns that she has been following on "automatic pilot." The facets of the patterns contain actions or behaviors, as well as emotional marinades & thoughts or mind-chatter. All are important & all need reviewing. If you are wondering about the amount of time it takes to do this, well do know that it takes plenty of time. But here's the catch. Either you do it or you don't. You are going to have outcomes no matter what & so you get to choose. What is it that you want?

Most of us want immediate gratification & you can certainly have that. Any change that you make in any moment will give you instant or immediate gratification. All you have to do is frame it in that way. If you eat chocolate cake, you have all sorts of immediate gratification. If you choose not to eat chocolate cake, you also can have immediate gratification. Try it.

INNER SCRIPTING

Learning to observe thoughts is key to changing anything & everything. Aida has much to learn in this department, as her inner chatter is both negative & tough. She wasn't aware of a good part of this, mainly because she wasn't tuned it. She was either working & trying to succeed, or hypnotized in front of her computer or television, using the food to keep her in that mind & body state. As she tells it, "I could hear part of me saying that I was killing myself, but I turned it off, because I simply didn't care. I didn't want to have my "binge moments" ruined. I waited all day to binge & so I told the voice to shut up. What do you want from me? How much do I have to do to be left alone? Don't I work hard enough?"

It's easy to see that Aida positions herself in a victim-state. This is an extremely powerful mind & body state & is capable of producing lots of stress chemica further embedding the myth or pattern. It's a totally exhausting scenario, both emotionally & physically, tantamount to having a huge fight with someone close to you. In this case, Aida is in battle with herself & when this happens, the "disorderly core" wins.

It was easier for Aida to manage the walk-by eating scene, probably because it wasn't so emotionally charged. Her major evening binge is a different can of worms. It's very ritualistic, her inner language sensuous & fanatical. The ownership is big.

In order to undo this pattern or myth, Aida is going to need to do a very complete examination about what's been going on. She's going to need to truly disassociate from it, perhaps moving further away in her directors chair. I know it will also help her to visualize her larger picture. Right now, she sees this almost as a magnificent obsession, which it is not. It is simply a small part of her day that has done a big sales job on her & has literally imprisoned her, both emotionally & physically. Not only will Aida need to examine all of this, put she will need to work with her big picture right along side ot it, so she can see what's missing from her life; what needs to be brought in.

Aida begins by paying attention to portions of her inner scripting. Everything doesn't have to be done at the same time. This is an ongoing project & it's important for her to bring her wonderful work ethic to this area of her life. It will help her to design some new goals, preferably in good detail. I suggest she journal these & ask herself questions about what she truly wants to experience, even if she thinks that it is impossible for her to have these things.

Her early myths or patterns need to be brought to the table & disassembled. These are like puzzles.....& actually as she works with these, perhaps even mind-interviewing the early myths constructors, her parents, grand-parents & great-grandparents, she will come to see that their lives were very different from hers & so their patterns may not work in Aida's life. Yes, there is much to do....

Inside Secret Eating - Building Self-Rapport

"Your imagination will show you how to turn your possibilities into reality. This is more than positive thinking, for when you actively visualize the things you want in your life, the subconscious mind will create a blueprint & begin to build.".....Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht

MATURE WORK - BUILDING DISCIPLINES

If you are following along, you now know that the mature part of the Self is separate from the problematic or disorderly part. You also have come to know that the disorderly part has a core that needs to be accepted for what it is & then it needs to be rehabilitated. In order for this to occur, the mature part needs some special tools & training.

I asked Aida & the rest of the group to leave their disorderly core parts at the playground of the mind to lighten up BEFORE they come to work today. I only want to meet with their mature/adult parts. Of course, eyeballs rolled when I gave this suggestion, but this image further reinforced the fact that they are separate from their issues. In a way, it's like parents heading off for some much needed R&R & self-growth, while someone else takes care of the kids. Simple metaphors such as these truly help to put the mind in the right place for what needs to come next. Imagine trying to help parents to help themselves while the out of control children keep interrupting.

Most important to understand is that the mature part is in charge of the personal myths or patterns & any societal myths or patterns having to do with eating issues must be reviewed & agreed upon by the mature part BEFORE these can be put into action. In short, the mature part is in charge of the food & all behaviors/actions surrounding the food.

If there are other issues that appear to have some attachment, such as other habits or addictions, these should be considered in the very same framework. Food issues or disorder rarely stand alone. I seems like when there is disorder in one area of life, it simultaneously pops up in other areas. These could include relationships, work, prosperity & even destructive habits such as nail biting, skin picking, hair pulling, excessive spending, smoking, excessive alcohol consumption & roller-coaster emotions.

As we become more aware of exactly what is going on, then it is possible to right more than one thing at a time, especially when working with self-hypnotic imagery. As Aida became open to these concepts, she could easily see how she was feeding her disorderly core with plenty of negatives. No wonder that part had such a hold on her. In addition, there was no healthy working model in place & so that was next on the agenda.

When there is a pattern that doesn't work, it needs to be disassembled & a new plan for a new pattern must be put in place. While it takes time to establish new patterns, old patterns need to be disassembled completely. Sometimes this is a bit unnerving to an individual, rather like being left with no furtniture in the house. For Aida, this disassembling brought about feelings of anxiety. Letting go was a big issue for her, most likely because she is so emotionally connected to her old, destructive patterns.

Being aware will help her, along with deep relaxation, mental biofeedback & staying busy with the design of the new patterns. Aida loves staying busy & is highly creative. Bringing these assets to her new pattern planning will be very useful in not only managing her instability & anxiety, but will allow her to excel in the pattern design.

The more involved her mature self becomes, the stronger the patterns & the more influence she will have over her disordered core. Notice that the core is not just about eating issues anymore, but includes all of the surrounding disorder that Aida located during her mature awareness work. It's like finding out that your child is not only paying attention in school, but she also has a drug problem! The problem is far more complicated & has multiple facets. If all of these aren't addressed, then there is less chance of success.

DISMANTLING PATTERNS

All patterns have multi-layers, just like in the image above. Aida is going to make a list of the patterns she can easily notice, but once she gets started, there will definitely be more that will show themselves. She starts with the obvious; the excess food that she eats during the day & the night-time ritual. We decided to use the inner theater metaphor.

She relaxes deeply into the moment & when ready, finds herself walking in the town where she locates the theater. The billboard announces that her programs are in rehearsal. As she enters the theater she is greeted as the writer, director & producer of the program. She sits in the back of the theater where she can watch the scene play out in all it's detail. Not only can she see the action, but she can also see her emotions who appear like children & who are speaking the thoughts that they have placed in her very own mind.

She is appalled at what she sees & hears. The emotions are quite rude & make her tense. For the first time she senses that she truly doesn't like what she is making herself do. There is far too much food; more than is needed for herself & her daughter. While the food is fairly healthy, the portions are out of control. Aida is a walk-by eater & she is aware that her consumed "small, little bites" are adding up on the plate over there. She is embarrassed & ashamed. The part of her that is working in her home office is annoyed with the time she spends in the kitchen & is going to make her "pay" when she sits down at the computer. The part of her that takes care of the house & likes everything to be "perfect" & "admired" is furious with the cooking & working Selves. This part also plans to make her "pay."

Now it's time for Aida to become the writer, director & producer in this part of her pattern. She walks on stage & begins to make the changes. She knows that she can change anything & everything & there is much that she wants to do. She notices how happy she is to have this opportunity to set things straight. Besides changing the obvious, she calls for a meeting of the emotions to set them straight about who she truly is & what she truly wants. Instead of finding opposition, she is pleasantly surprised that they welcome her & in fact, have been wishing that she would take control. They want direction & they want discipline.

Once she has completed these tasks, Aida returns to her seat & watches the newly directed & disciiplined scene play out. There are a few things that have presented themselves that she didn't see before, but it's easy to use her microphone to set those changes. She feels her power now & is enjoying the process.

NEXT BLOG..... Back to the Theater of the Mind for New Inner Scripting.