Sunday, December 23, 2007

Ordering Disorder

"The art of progress is to preserve order amid change and to preserve change amid order." Alfred North Whitehead

Who would say "no" to progress? Truth be known, I know plenty of people who would & who do. Many are private patients of mine & while I might "tut-tut" at that & enjoy some good old finger-pointing, that very finger often turns around, pointing right back at me. As for the life-game of mindSCRABBLE, as I inwardly giggle at my own disorderly behaviors, my subconscious mind is busily mind-etching those even deeper.

If I was paid for cluttering, I'd be quite wealthy. Of course, I deny cluttering & as for hoarding.....well now, certainly not me.

My issues with all of this go back to early childhood. My father died when I was three & I learned to make every attempt to keep what was mine. This was my little attempt at building a secure life. While it does help to know the origin of issues, it certainly doesn't diminish the decades of closet & drawer stuffing. I've become so good at this that I can clutter just about anywhere & with just about anything. Yes....I would be quite wealthy.

I've learned that letting go is a good thing & so I go through emptying & releasing episodes. My main reasoning is that I've come to realize that prosperity doesn't flow into cluttered space, so I must release if I choose to prosper. It also helps to find things. Just the process of clearing is creative & it never surprises me what catalysts sit in that last bulging file.

Ordering disorder is a very emotional experience for me. I truly have issues with letting go & today I decided to write about these, instead of just noticing them. It is true that my things do bring me joy. I love all sorts of things including my scraps of paper. So, is there something wrong with that? After all, I'm basically a good person. Just because I feel connected to scraps of paper, does that make me a loser of sorts. Of course not, I tell myself. Don't be so dramatic.

I do want to be able to let go & release with more ease. I've noticed that whenever I go through periods of cleaning, clearing & letting go, that it does become easier. In fact, it actually begets itself. So, I guess the goal needs to be to practice more often. Is it possible that I might actually become good at this & even learn to like it?

"I choose to see my disorder clearly & then I choose what to order first."...Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht