Wednesday, December 5, 2007

The Power of Quiet Assertiveness

"Look well into thyself; there is a source of strength that will always spring up if thou wilt always look there"... Marcus Aurelius Antoninus

"There is usually no need to yell or stamp your feet. Your personal power lies in quiet assertiveness...not only with others, but within yourself as well."...Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht

Related Emotions - emphatic, forceful, insistent, resounding

I must be developing some sort of blog-obsession. When I wake in the morning I find myself searching for my blog-subject of the day. While this is a bit annoying, I can satisfy my mind quite quickly with a quick decision. And then.....the day officially opens & I find myself changing that easily determined subject idea. I know you don't know me, but I can assure you that I'm not a flip-flopper. It's just that each day seems to have it's own the theme of the day that begs to be addressed & sometimes that need is big. It certainly was today.......& the day isn't over yet!

Usually themes really hang out. When they come to visit, they tend to stay. I'm sure you've noticed this in your own life. The theme may roll in gently OR it may arrive with a bang. This morning it was a bang. I had planned on blogging more on dreams for they are favorite subjects of mine & I've gotten fairly good at programming specific dreams, as well as remembering them in good detail. I just love writing about this part of my work, especially because I know how helpful it can be for healing & enhancing creativity. But that will have to wait for another day.

I opened the computer to begin working & decided to check my email. There it was........the theme. I opened three emails & found it smiling out at me. When you've been working in a field as long as I have, you do know when a theme has knocked at the door. This particular theme had to do with the verbal victimization of adult-children by parents or significant others & those adult-children cowering to it. For me, it is like rubbing salt in a wound.

I had to run some errands & found myself in the presence of adults with young children. There was the theme again.... only this time real children were being verbally victimized by their parents. It was like I was viewing the coming attractions to the adult-lives of the young children I was observing. How easy it is to harm a young mind & how long those programs can play out into adulthood causing all kinds of havoc. Adult-children still cowering, just like the young ones I was watching. I truly felt sick.

I went to the office & met up with a new patient. You guessed it.......the theme again. This particular patient came for weight management, but it became abundantly clear that her food bingeing was all about early verbal abuses that were never addressed & she still was accepting them, as if she didn't have a choice in the matter. While her mother, the original deliverer was deceased, she had a new deliverer, her husband. The messages were almost the same. She never learned along the way that while the doorbell may ring, one doesn't have to answer it. In addition, if there is a deliver, one doesn't have to accept the package ......unless one truly wants it.
In my experience we can all do with some assertiveness training work.

Being assertive does not mean being aggressive, although, I was just very aggressive & assertive on the phone a few minutes ago. Years ago I wouldn't have been able to do that & if I did, I'd probably be telling myself what I terrible person I am & no wonder no one liked me. Think about those mind programs! Not very healthy & certainly not very helpful.

So, this is what I help my office patients & my mp3/CD listeners to program in Interactive Self-Hypnosis...

1. We will work to enhance your ability to be assertive. Framing something as an ability says a lot to the subconscious mind. Becoming assertive is a skill that we get good at by practice. Remember, practice makes perfect....or almost.

2. We will work to enhance your ability to speak up for what you need, to speak up for what you want, to set boundaries, to learn to say now, to see yourself being in charge of the quality of your life in your mind's eye & knowing/believing that you deserve the very best.

3. We will work to enhance your inner programming to expect to receive the very best for you from others & also from yourself....& to give the very best to yourself in each moment.

4. It's important to know that defects in programming begin very early in your life & these defects have been closely tied to the development of your self-image & self-esteem. In other words, how you see yourself & feel/believe about yourself.

5. Early programming defects present false beliefs as truths, disallowing you from seeing yourself as you truly are....a human being with rights, with needs, with desires....a dignified human being harboring the rightful expectation of being treated with respect. Many people may have assisted with placing defective programs in your inner library & often this was not intentional, but actually followed their automatic behaviors that were out of balance in some way. While this isn't an excuse, knowing this can give us the power we need to change these very old programs.

In the practice of Interactive Self-Hypnosis we build new models for representing & caring for ourselves with respect & dignity. We expect this from ourselves & from others. If others miss the mark, we make it clear that this is not acceptable. We don't have to shout or get into our child-self to do this. Actually this is never a position of power. In Interactive Self-Hypnosis we are always in direct communication with the Higher Part or Mature Part of ourselves that takes charge when the going gets rough for the inner-child.

We were born alone & we will die alone. What we achieve & how we achieve it is up to us. We teach people how to treat us & it is never too late to get these lessons straight.

"I respect & honor myself. I teach others to do the same through my healthy beliefs, my healthy actions & by setting healthy boundaries." ...Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht


This is a very special time of emotional time....& one that invites self-review. Many of us abuse others & even ourSelves without even realizing it. Old patterns seem to rise up easily during the stress of the holidays. I'd like to offer you a sample mp3 from my collection. It's called Affirmations for Becoming Assertive. It will help you to plant programs to help manage stress, as well as to stand up tall. I hope you enjoy it. The full program is available on my websites.