Monday, September 10, 2007
The Beast Within
"You become who you believe you are....one breath at a time, each thought & moment sculpting out your self-image & self-esteem"....Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht
Workshop participants come to speak to me during the break. This is an interesting time because I have the opportunity to learn more about each of them. The earlier session opened minds & now private sharing takes place. This will provide me with fodder for the afternoon session.
I focus on Anna. Despite being instructed to dress-down for the workshop, she appears as if going on a job interview. Here's the humor in that. Anna's issues have to do with her many failed tries at success, both professionally & personally. I'm left with the impression that she has brought her "interviewSELF" to the workshop for some guidance.
"I don't know why I even bother to go on interview. They all end up the same way. Like bad dates, I never hear from anyone again. But, why should they hire me? Who do I think I am anyway?"
Anna knows her presentingSELF well. She's been critiquing her for years. She knows herself as, "unattractive, slow, uninteresting & someone who will never amount to much."
LOCATING THE BEAST WITHIN
If you were asked to paint a picture of yourself in your mind's eye or to describe yourself in one word, what would it be? A voice in your head probably screamed an answer even before you finished reading the question. More than likely it was a negative comment or label, certainly something you would never call a friend. But hundreds of times a day, this inner voice or judgment or beast, spews some negative thought which you take at face value. Ask Anna.
We've all noticed our personal beast within, but most of us have really focused our awareness in it's direction. One reason is that it is truly intimidating & it's hard to face such a powerful, negative force from the position of victim or weakness. The voice always seems to be with us, sometimes playing behind the scenes, but there nevertheless. We awaken with it in the morning & still hear it before going to bed. It is so self-rightous, telling us everything there is to know about everything there is, interpreting & judging our every experience.
It tells us who we are, how we are & what we will be, demanding that we accept these interpretations blindly, while squelching our real vibrant SELF with every step. The beast is not a fool, but a very sophisticated & talented manipulator. His/her well positioned manuevers are second to none. It is clever & malicious at the same time, demanding us to feel badly about ourselves, while gathering strength from every success.
The group is attentive, having many questions. Where does the beast come from & how does it get it's information?
The beast is a metaphor for your self-image & self-esteem that started developing from infancy, collecting & evaluating every experience & memory that you ever had. He or she is the current dweller in your inner or subconscious mind, who has taken the coveted position of evaluating everything, including the past, the present & the future, even before it happens, thereby setting the stage in advance, rather like a fortune-teller.
The beast has the most up to date video camers & recorder in one, having the strange capability to record, even the most minute details, rememberances & feelings & then incorporating all of the senses. These are then stored in the library of your mind for "in the moment" future referencing.
We can now understand why Anna keeps having the same responses from her interviews!
One may wonder why the beast is so negative, for surely we've all had positive,happy moments & success. Of course we have, but unfortunately, like weeds in the garden, negatie memories & their reinforcements, tend to over-run the flowers of our minds. If you haven't attended to your positive experiences, the beastly weeds take over. Positive aspirations & memories are simply choked out, rained on, or blown away.
The negative self-image/esteem is locked in the subconscious. Just having these negative feelings & thoughts are enough to cause you to form deep-seated opinions & judgments about yourself, destroying the chance of positive growth. We then, consciously & subconsciously, reinforce these negative feelings & thoughts, forming negative or dysfunctional thought patterns.
WHO ARE YOU?
The real you is a pure life force & is not limited by concepts or ideas about who you are.
You are not your descriptions, nor your labels. These are outgrowths of a "you", designed by people, circumstances & experiences from your past. The "real you" is able to experience & enjoy the body in which you live, the external world in which you live & the thoughts, memories & even fantasies that your brain creates & stores. The "real you" is beautiful beyond your most creative fantasy & allowed to do so, will guide you through a terrific life. The "real you" feels wonderful all the time & the more freedom you give it, the more you will enjoy yourself.
EXTRICATING THE REAL YOU FROM THE BEAST
The next workshop blog will take you through the process...